The Sex Geekdom Hot Tub – Sex Advice
Welcome to our first ever Sex Geekdom Hot Tub.
How’s the temperature? Good.
This is where we invite a few of our Sex Geek friends over for a soak and chat about a specific topic.
Alright Sex Geeks – hit me with your best sex advice!
Kate: The best sex advice I’ve ever gotten came from one of my art mentors. We were having a conversation about sex and relationships and she said to me, “don’t have sex with anyone you wouldn’t want to be.” It’s so simple, yet I think most people never think about sexual relationships in this way. Rather than being about “being in love” or any other social/cultural marker, whether or not you’d actually want to be your potential lover is a great rule of thumb for sorting the wheat from the chaff.
Gareth: Good advice is measured by how often you pass it on, and for me this little gem is my go to- A drop of lube in the tip of the condom does wonders for sensation, it conducts heat better and brings the party to the most sensitive part of your penis. A lot of sex educators will know this already, and it was certainly a peer educator that told me about it first, but I’ve been surprised how often I get astonished reactions from men and women who have no idea. Lube is a lot like beauty, while it’s great to have it on the outside, it’s a whole lot better when it’s inside as well.
Louise: Even way back in High School I was dishing out sex advice. I remember being with a group of guy friends at Burger King and the goofy one in the group, you know the friend who always said awkward things, asked me about female genitals. The guys made jokes and stuff, but I enthusiastically drew up some elaborate anatomy diagrams on napkins, both front and cross sections, explaining every detail. I think the guys learnt a thing or two and the goofy guy ended up taking my napkin sketches home.
There’s more to it.
Alex: The best sex advice I’ve ever got, or perhaps some of the first pieces of sex advice I got, came from ‘Degrassi High’ – I was around 12 when it aired and I was a massive fan. Jimmy Brookes (or rapper Drake, as we know him as now) and Ashley (the ‘are they or aren’t they’ couple) decided they were ready to take it to the next level and have sex. Fueled by hormones and the way Jimmy’s basketball jersey would get all sweaty after ball practice, they both went back to Jimmy’s house (his parents were rich and that meant they were always away) to seal the deal.
Cut to the scene of them both sitting on the bed together, and you just knew it was about to happen! Jimmy pulls the condom out (barrier methods, check!) and they start to discuss whether they were going to do it (negotiation and communication, check!), but after much reasoned discussion they decided they both weren’t ready (communication around consent, check!). The same show even had a pro-choice abortion story line! Want good sex advice for teens? Look no further than a quality produced Canadian teen-series.
I want to have sex, I just don’t want to have to look at you.
Caitlin: I remember a time when Louise advised me to buy high-end lube, and a time that Kate told me about how mooncups mean you can receive oral while menstruating. The lube was great advice, but I haven’t gotten around to testing the second theory. Outside that, can’t think of ONE piece of sex advice from a friend that I have ever received and implemented. However, I have brainstormed a range of possible explanations for this and I think it’s probably a combo of all of these:
- I am lazy and stuck in my sexual ways
- I do not listen when my friends are speaking
- I know more about sex than 95% of my friends
- I have an insufficient number of friends
- I refuse advice unless it is based on a rigorous meta-analysis of relevant research
There ya have it folks! Have you got any pearls of sex geek wisdom to share?
